The End – Chapter 1 – A Life Less Ordinary

Feb 2009, I’m 27 but feel like 69. As usual, it is dinner time at the Nyonya cuisine restaurant with my friends and I feel so stressful. This happens every time I’m around people. It bothers me so much that I want to grab a knife and poke it through myself to end this once and for all. Is it a small problem or am I a freak? Sometimes I feel like a freak more than anything else. People say that human beings are different from robots because they have feelings, emotions, and instincts. I say that having empathy is making my life a living hell. I go near anyone and I feel their pain, suffering and problems in life. I wonder if anyone ever feels like they have as much sufferings as me. I feel new sensations of sadness everywhere I go, I feel new problems every time I meet someone new and so much stress that I feel like the most stressful young adult on the planet.

Fortunately for me, my escape isn’t drugs, sex, eating or shopping. I just chat with Jamie and I feel love, happiness and wellness again. Jamie is a girl I met off the internet and we’ve been chatting ever since. She is one of the most amazing people I’ve known. Dad once said

the hand that holds another always feels warmer

Life shouldn’t be without hope and Jamie is my hope. She makes me forget about sadness even on the worst days of my life. She doesn’t complain about anything and has so much positivity in her. It’s fascinating how much someone would chat with me even though I have nothing but misery in my heart. It was love at first sight when we met in her university a few months back. I am even lucky enough to get a date with her during the Chinese New Year celebrations. In times like this, I feel that there is a God and His gift to me is truly a blessing beyond comprehension. If she tells me that she loves me, that will be my happiest moment in life.

At night when everyone is asleep, I too will suffer from the stress from others in the form of the memories of what I felt earlier. Day after day would pass by until I get too tired from lack of sleep and I would dose off for half a day. Such exhaustion may seem like a big problem but to me but it is a relief that I can actually get a day of sleep for every other few days in a week. Without these automatic shut downs for my mind, I would indeed be in a poorer health condition. There have been many people who either succeed in life by reaching financial freedom through work or die young while trying through stress. Sometimes, I guess I should feel grateful to still be alive through all these. Add a little hope into the harsh situation and I would pick myself up from the tears and sober up to face the new day, wishing for a change.

Months back when I was at home, it has been worse than when I was around my friends and the occasional strangers when we went out for meals. Mum had always been nagging me for being on the computer most of the time since I had been on holidays. “Why are you wasting so much time on the computer? You’ve been sitting in front of it the whole day. Do you want to stare at that monitor until you become one with it? Have you recorded the start and end time whenever u use the computer like I asked? “, mum said. She is all about classic naggings that only infuriates while dad will always watch from afar, giving advice only when it’s deemed necessary or important to. Is it a coincidence or are all mums and dads around the world like this, I wondered as I think about dad’s and mum’s concern over things like my self-esteem, age, and maturity in relation to the way they act. No wonder so many teenagers want to get out of their house and go to college.

other chapter ->> The End – Chapter 2 – Time Is Catching Up